Lil Stinker

I decided to take some of my grandchildren shopping. First we stopped for lunch and the kids had corn dogs and chili. Next stop is the mall. We get in the elevator and within seconds there is a God awful stench. The six year old ever so proud starts giggling. Meantime, a woman gets in the elevator with us. I kind of felt guilty because I did not warm her that she was about to step in a gas chamber.

At first this woman acts like she does not notice the stench. Not me! I have the neck of my tee shirt pulled up over my nose. If there would have been an oxygen mask available I would have been using it.

The stench starts getting worse. I notice the kids are trying not to laugh. Finally, the woman starts waving her hands in front of her face like she is being attacked by an angry swarm of bees. Well of course the kids are going to laugh about this. What was probably a 30 second ride felt like 5 minutes.

After we get out each of us tries to catch our breath. My oldest grandchild starts cracking up when a man enters the elevator and says, "OMG! What the hell died!"
In a hurry to get away from the crime scene I take them to the toy department. When I hear a noise that sounds like a pop gun I assume some little boy is playing with a toy gun. However, when the God awful stench returns I realize my grand daughter is letting off another string of farts.

Finally, she says she has to go to the bathroom. I turned to her and said, "Ya think!" I get her to the bathroom and try not to gag as she does her business. The other kids beg for mercy and want to wait outside the bathroom door.

Now there are 3 stalls in this bathroom. I notice there is someone in one of them. My grand daughter finally finishes her business and I want out. I want out of the bathroom before the person in the stall comes out. So I quickly wash her hands and hurry her up. I can hear the person in the stall gagging.

We open the bathroom door and there is a woman and child about to come in. My grand daughter knows the child and looks embarrassed. The other little girl says hello and makes a face. I can see her mother has tears in her eyes. I am thinking she is going to be down right bawling her eyes out if she goes in there.

The mother informs the girl they will wait for the bathroom. My grand daughter gives a sigh of relief. In the meantime out comes the same woman that was in the elevator. She looks me up and down and gives the evil eye. I am sure she feels like she has to fumigate her clothes at this point.

Another woman enters the bathroom with what I assume is her elderly mother. She starts gagging and says she thinks something is wrong with the sewer pipe. The elderly woman says she thinks it is her colostomy bag.

As we are walking the kids ask what a colostomy bag is. So I explain the best I can. We eventually make it to the cashier. While standing in line the over whelming stench comes back. Some little boy starts complaining to his mother that someone farted. My oldest grand daughter turns to him and says, "That is my sister! She needs a colostomy bag!"

Saturday November 15, 2008